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All that I am

by Radiarc

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I was lost. The figure taunting, fighting...guiding me, if only I’d seen more clearly. Just as I felt I’d finally begun to piece everything together, she was just gone. Darkness. I remember darkness, but more akin to the eye of a storm encompassing existence, a steady calm with the promise of absolute wrath following. I walked onward, determined, but with every step came regret, until I fell to the ground instantly in the wake of a brilliant light. The figure appeared once more, illuminating the ground beneath as she approached me. I attempted to stand, but the strength I once counted on was gone. My failures, my flaws...I was nothing in the presence of everything. And yet, she spoke to me. "You can do it too, you know."

In spite of everything, I rose. Slowly, but as her words echoed through my mind, I felt a fire burning within. The surrounding darkness faded to ash, save for that which remained in my hand, blazing. I looked to my other hand, and it burned as well, but with light, and the figure smiled. As my gaze met hers, everything was clear. All that I am, all that I've done...everything. I am all that I am, past and present, but it does not define me. "The darkness will never leave you," she told me as she turned to face the distance, but she looked back. "It's called experience." Like an angel, she flew, and so did I.

Effortlessly, I soared with her, and she revealed the truth. The fields I once saw wave with colors and fractals now teemed with silhouettes, some familiar, others not. I witnessed far more than I can remember, but as we went on, comprehension extended beyond vision and became acceptance. She slowed her pace as we arrived at a rift, a grand abyss in a sea of memory. Her brilliance faded as she landed in the water, still and pure. There was nothing. I breathed in deeply and closed my eyes. I knew this was the beginning of the end, and the promise of absolute wrath would be fulfilled. There was no beauty. There was no liberty. There was only the familiar before me, and I was ready.

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released June 5, 2021

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